Sunday, 11 December 2011

Bon Voyage

"I am a blind woman finding her way home by a map of tune.  
When the song that is in me is the song I hear from the world
I'll be home.  It's not written down and I don't remember the 
I know when I hear it I'll have made it myself. I'll be home....". Paula Meehan (Home)

I was inspired by the beautiful words here.

From the beginning I was told what I should do.

Later I asked myself what I could do. 

Later still: what I wanted to do. 

I was crippled by these questions. 

They created so much noise in my head.  I lived at full-speed in the future.  I rushed to choose a personality for fear of isolation.  A profession for fear of poverty. Afraid to pursue what really interested me.  I told myself "I don't have the time.  I can't make a living from that. I'll probably be sick of it in a few months anyway".  Not seeing the point.  Afraid.  Afraid.  Afraid.  Defeated before I even began.  Not knowing who I am.

"...The wise women say you must live in your skin, call it home..." 

I want to silence those questions.  Block out that noise.  From others.  From society.  From myself.  Set myself free to explore my interests, whether they last a few days or a few years.  Embrace change, get to know who I am now and allow my Self to evolve.

I want to enjoy the trip and not worry about the arrival.

It will be hard, to change the habit of a lifetime.  But I will hold in my head the image of a river. Starting off as a crystal clear trickle before gathering steam. Free-wheeling downhill.  Sparkling in the sun. Picking up moonlight and detritus. Diverting past obstacles and shrugging off storms. Reflecting the glory of the day's sunsetting swansong before gushing full full full of ....everything... to the sea.  
malcolm bull

"...I'm on my last journey.  Though my lines are all wonky
they spell me a map that makes sense. Where the song that is in 
is the song I hear from the world, I'll set down my burdens
and sleep.  The spot that I lie on at last the place I'll call home." 

This too, is what I want for you.

Bon voyage, my love.

Love Mam x


dillytante said...

Lovely post. You might enjoy the books by Barabra Sher. Bit self-helpy but great for people who are 'scanners' going from one thing to another, trying to fit so many things in and not taking anything too far.

Monica said...

i started reading that book mentioned above.... will pick it up again soon.

beautifully written, very poetic.

i actually discovered soemthing about my quick-to-get-bored issue. I discovered, after I stopped pushing and allowed my true interests to emerge, was that there was a pattern, and that certain interests returned and returned.
I discovered that if I wanted to leave one thing, it wasn't failure, or that I had chosen incorrectly. Simply that right now my soul/mind/heart needed that other thing. And the first thing will come back when it was ready.
I used to feel so flighty, or unstable or such - why can't something stick!? i would berate myself.

Anyway, just another point to share. :)

soresourceful said...

Great post. I love your writing style. I can relate to everything you have written, and am also training myself to enjoy the now more, and live in the Now rather than worrying about the future or remembering the past.
Over the last year especially I have been working really hard at just doing things I want to do, instead of thinking I don't have the time, or can do it later, or need to get better first, and amazingly I have achieved so much more than I thought possible, enjoyed the journey, tried new hobbies, learnt new skills and just been calmer and more content.

sparklingbay said...

I haven't heard of those books, thanks. I think its ok to go from one thing to another, once you follow your interests and are as true to yourself as you can. This is what I'm going to aim for anyway.

sparklingbay said...

Thank you. As time goes on I realise that less is more in so many ways and we don't have to make life a struggle. It is so hard yet so simple at the same time. It is so interesting to hear about the pattern emerging. i look forward reading more about this on your blogs.

sparklingbay said...

"..achieved so much more than I thought possible.....been calmer and happier" Thank you, this is inspiring and comforting.

Melissa Kemendo said...

Beautifully written, my friend. I relate so fully. This is one of the great gifts that Annabelle has given me: an opportunity to slow down, let go of my concerns over career and conventional success, even if only for a little while, and let life unfold in its own time while listening to myself as I choose the direction I'd like to take in it. It has been such a joy and, I hope, made a lasting impression on me.

sparklingbay said...

I am so glad to hear that Melissa. I never really thought I'd be able to make a living from following my interests, but perhaps it is true that if you look after today, tomorrow will look after itself.